I have a broken heart. Yeah, I said it. Chances are you can relate to my pain. If you can’t relate, consider yourself lucky, scroll to the bottom of this post and share this link with someone who can. (Thanks.)
Do you remember going to the playground as a child and playing on the see saw? At its height, you felt like you were flying, soaring above the other kids and smiling broadly. Moments later came the inevitable thud when you slammed into the ground, knees tucked up to your chest with your feet digging into the dirt. Ow! But soon after you were back up top, feeling good, and so it went. Who would have thought that years later I would find myself back on a see saw, only this time, it is a Relationship See Saw.
For most of 2013, my heart has been in various stages of broken. It’s a familiar tale, my ex and I reunite for a few months, old issues resurface, we part, find our way back and so it continues. Each time I tell myself that it will be the last and I proudly announce that this time it’s really over. During our various breaks I try, really I do, to move on. I vow to find a relationship where we are aligned on our present AND our future. On the surface, I put in quite the effort. I select an outfit that reads, sexy-but-classy, perfect a smokey eye and slap a smile onto my face. But when I am sitting across from my date, it’s my ex on my mind. These men are all decent guys (some more than others, of course), but no red flags popping out around them. Their only flaw is that they are not my ex. The ease and comfort of free-flowing conversation is missing and don’t even get me started on the idea of even kissing them good night. I once exited a date so quickly, I damn near broke into a sweat racing to catch my train!
I date in body only because emotionally and spiritually I am reliving memories of the past and silently wishing for a chance at another future with the ex. Each time I agree to go out for drinks, dinner, movie, walk in the park, etc.. I pray that this is the meeting that releases me from my past and catapults me into a new direction. But much like Cinderella, I’m home by midnight, sometimes teary-eyed because I long for the intimacy that comes from a deep love-connection. My heart breaks open even wider when I flashback to how easy it was from the very first date to be with my ex. So, I ask, is dating with a broken heart a waste of time? Have any of you found a new relationship while still licking wounds from the past? Is it better to be completely healed from yesterday? Or forge ahead even when your heart isn’t in it?
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Until next time, ASK MORE QUESTIONS!