Is Dating with a Broken Heart a Waste of Time?

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I have a broken heart. Yeah, I said it. Chances are you can relate to my pain. If you can’t relate, consider yourself lucky, scroll to the bottom of this post and share this link with someone who can. (Thanks.)

broken heart, relationships, love

Photo Credit: Dennis Skley
(http://www.flickr.com/photos/dskley/)

Do you remember going to the playground as a child and playing on the see saw? At its height, you felt like you were flying, soaring above the other kids and smiling broadly. Moments later came the inevitable thud when you slammed into the ground, knees tucked up to your chest with your feet digging into the dirt. Ow! But soon after you were back up top, feeling good, and so it went. Who would have thought that years later I would find myself back on a see saw, only this time, it is a Relationship See Saw.

For most of 2013, my heart has been in various stages of broken. It’s a familiar tale, my ex and I reunite for a few months, old issues resurface, we part, find our way back and so it continues. Each time I tell myself that it will be the last and I proudly announce that this time it’s really over. During our various breaks I try, really I do, to move on. I vow to find a relationship where we are aligned on our present AND our future. On the surface, I put in quite the effort. I select an outfit that reads, sexy-but-classy, perfect a smokey eye and slap a smile onto my face. But when I am sitting across from my date, it’s my ex on my mind. These men are all decent guys (some more than others, of course), but no red flags popping out around them. Their only flaw is that they are not my ex. The ease and comfort of free-flowing conversation is missing and don’t even get me started on the idea of even kissing them good night. I once exited a date so quickly, I damn near broke into a sweat racing to catch my train!

I date in body only because emotionally and spiritually I am reliving memories of the past and silently wishing for a chance at another future with the ex. Each time I agree to go out for drinks, dinner, movie, walk in the park, etc.. I pray that this is the meeting that releases me from my past and catapults me into a new direction. But much like Cinderella, I’m home by midnight, sometimes teary-eyed because I long for the intimacy that comes from a deep love-connection. My heart breaks open even wider when I flashback to how easy it was from the very first date to be with my ex. So, I ask, is dating with a broken heart a waste of time?  Have any of you found a new relationship while still licking wounds from the past? Is it better to be completely healed from yesterday? Or forge ahead even when your heart isn’t in it?

Leave your comments below & share this link with others.

Until next time, ASK MORE QUESTIONS!

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13 thoughts on “Is Dating with a Broken Heart a Waste of Time?

  1. seattlegraphix

    I think there’s a balance. If you’re on a date with a new fella and all you can think about is your ex – then you shouldn’t be on that date. You’re ultimately not being fair or respectful to his or your time. But if you’re going on a date with someone, and you’re actually interested in investing some time to get to know them, then that’s a different story. You’re going to remember your ex. Silly things are going to trigger memories and you’ll have times when you’re walking down memory lane. I think another key is to pull yourself out of your own head in those times.

  2. I definitely can relate to this, I’m sure we all can. The thing I’ve come to terms with as a girl who dates, especially in regards to trying to move past a long term relationship, it’s important to be with yourself and be okay with doing that. At some point, it IS good to meet other people and get your ex off your mind! But there also comes a time, and to me this should start BEFORE you bring other people into the ‘unresolved-ness’ (if you will) of your life because that’s not fair or right either, there comes a time when you need to LEARN to be by yourself.

    That time is the only way you are going to be able to 1) reflect on what the [apparently constant] issues were with the ex so you can NOT make the same mistakes again with the next 2) heal, it’s not going to come over night, there were real feelings and time involved, so give yourself an opportunity to reboot and 3) find out what it is you actually want out of a person, out of a relationship. You’re dating these other people, while envisioning the ex. It couldn’t be more obvious that you aren’t ready. And that’s okay!! Take some time for you, without the ex, without any potentials and figure out the next step before you just start walking. 🙂

    • Love this! Thanks so much for the feedback. It’s always that push/pull – sometimes I feel the more I put OFF dating, the more power I’m giving to the ex by not moving on and staying stuck in the past. It’s great to know others can relate!

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  4. Jennifer

    It can work but it seems like the ones you end up liking are unavailable in some way, like you are choosing them because it’s safer. At least that’s my experience. I forced myself to try and date even though not feeling ready, and the two guys I actually kind of liked were not commitment material. So until you are healed I don’t think you can really attract what you want because you don’t really know what you want until youre ready to move on. I feel your pain 🙂

  5. Remember when I told you I didn’t ” sweat any man” we’ll that’s not necessarily true lol. What I meant to say is that I never let them SEE me sweat : D. I have had my heart broken countless of times. Not all the time from men but alas a broken heart. Giving yourself a time out is the best and smartest thing you did for yourself. You can’t keep a good woman down for too long. Like nature it’s just impossible to even try.

  6. Thank you for liking my blog post, which introduced me to your blog. My preferred strategy for this situation above is to go for friends more than lovers. I don’t think in terms of dating anymore. I think of cultivating friendships. It’s a whole different mind set. This reduces the pressure, and in my case, it has led to a few relationships that formed after we decided that we were having a relaxed and delightful time being friends. By then platonic intimacy was building, and switching to a lover relationship was easier. Comparing new lovers with old lovers is always present, but I like to think of it as each new lover (or friend for that matter) as bringing out something new for me.

    • Thank you for your thoughtful and insightful feedback. I find that men are less interested in cultivating friendships for too long. I’m not ready to move at a faster pace and there lies the catch-22.

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